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How to: Steps to Financial Success in the New Socialist Amerika

admin — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:25:56 +0000

Welcome, Comrade! Steps are simple, as you will see. In Soviet Russia, we had similar process — only without all of media coverage. But I am of the thought that makes it more exciting, yes?

Spend hundreds of millions of dollars to overturn 80+ year old banking regulatory legislation (Glass-Steagall Act)
Merge several massive companies into one ginormous financial behemoth under the newly-liberalized regulatory environment that you just purchased (yay!)
Use the combined lending/borrowing capacity of this new ginormous conglomerate to leverage your ass — and everyone else’s — to the moon and back, several times over
Cash out (but under less-alarming euphemism, “moving on”) while the hogs are fat, buy island/jet/concubines/personal army
When the deleveraging starts, have your poor-sap replacements demand that the government bail you out since you’re “too big to fail” (nevermind the fact that you paid off the government to let you get that big in the first damn place) — gotta keep those stocks riding high and paying dividends
Profit!!!!11

See, comrade? Is easy, yes? If you are a CEO or have access to a CEO, you too can be the next ~~Citigroup~~ [insert non-specific name for frighteningly-large-yet-struggling financial institution here]! Welcome to future of “capitalism”, yes? Ha ha! “Cha-ching”! Ha ha!

(actual timeline of real-world events here)

Shine on you (hic) crazy diamond…

admin — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 18:33:07 +0000

Discussed today at the office: Moonshine found in truck stopped for weaving

Why exactly is this noteworthy? From the article:

Guffey told authorities he parked his truck with nearly $3,000 inside it in Flag Pond, took a walk and came back to find it full of moonshine.

He said he has been buying whiskey like that in eastern Tennessee and western North Carolina for a decade.

Honesty FTW.

Silly Bug Boutique

admin — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 05:11:05 +0000

For many many moons, my beloved Nichole has talked & dreamed about making & selling hair bows for little girls — as a hobby interest first, but also to see if a little bit of money could be made while she was having fun ;) Now, I’m happy to bring you the news that her dream has finally been realized! The Silly Bug Boutique (“clothes, bows, and more for your little ladybug!”) is open for business.

PS: The name (as I’m sure you’re wondering) comes from one of our nicknames for Audrey, “Bug” — “silly Bug”, of course, when she’s being extra-cute & playful.

Jenny I got your number …oh, wait

admin — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:37:19 +0000

iNumber (http://www.inumbr.com/) offers a free service where you can create a temporary phone number — customizable to your area code, even — and forward it to your real number. As if this capability alone isn’t cool enough, there are several options available for how it works:

Don’t accept calls from blocked Caller IDs
Don’t accept calls from suspected telemarketers
Forward all calls directly to voicemail
Do not disturb from 9PM to 8AM
Turn off call screening
Activate voicemail for missed calls
Email my incoming call history

While not exactly a new service (they apparently launched in 2006), it seems that it’s finally bubbled around long enough to reach critical mass.

First application I thought of: yet another trick-o-the-trade for eligible club-goers. Cook up a number before the weekend’s outings and give it out to your would-be pursuers. You can still actually receive phone calls (albeit with screening if you so desire), and at the end of the expiration period, the number goes dark for good (prior to which you should have passed on your actual digits to any callers that you, ah, wish to remain in contact with).

Unscientific surveys FTW!!1

admin — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:31:12 +0000

Yes, after a long hiatus I return to post this: I have created a totally unscientific survey for you to play with.

/cue applause

You may participate in this totally unscientific survey here: Human Nature & Political Leanings. And lest you be concerned as to how much time you might actually waste/lose by participating, the survey consists of a whopping two questions:

Do you think humans are basically good, with a few bad tendencies? Or basically bad, with a few good tendencies?
How would you classify your political philosophy: liberal, conservative, or libertarian?

The near-realtime results are after the jump. Enjoy ;)