This Monday morning, my mother sent an email out to some people — one of her standard offbeat humor emails:

From: Lisa
Time: Mon 8/16 11:14 AM

COW TRACKING

Is it just me or does anyone else find it absolutely amazing that the U.S. government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and determine exactly what that cow ate. They can also track her calves right to their stalls, and tell you what kind of feed they ate.

But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around in their country, including people that are trying to blow up important structures in the U.S.

My solution is to give every illegal alien a cow as soon as they enter the country.

Cute, but I didn’t think much more about it.

Until her brothers and sisters started replying…

From: Don
Time: Mon 8/16 5:32 PM
You should milk this idea for all it’s worth

From: Lisa
Time: Tue 8/17 8:37 AM
Don — I’m deeply moo-ved that you took the time to reply…

From: John
Time: Tue 8/17 8:40 AM
I think I’m gonna steer clear of this

From: Lisa
Time: Tue 8/17 8:52 AM
John — I think it is udderly ridiculous that you didn’t send your reply to everybody!!

From: John
Time: Tue 8/17 8:56 AM
Doh!! ….it’s early. I promise to do butter!

From: Mary
Time: Tue 8/17 9:06 AM
Lisa…. don’t be such a bull-y to your little brother!

From: Robert
Time: Tue 8/17 9:44 AM
Man — it doesn’t take much of a cattle-ist to set the puns off in THIS family…

From: John
Time: Tue 8/17 9:47 AM
It’s just the herd mentality. Nothing worth getting in a hoof about.

From: Mary
Time: Tue 8/17 9:53 AM
I would steak everything I have on my family’s ability to butcher puns!!

From: John
Time: Tue 8/17 9:55 AM
I’d make a big wager ….but not everything.

Just can’t brisket.

From: Mary
Time: Tue 8/17 9:58 AM
Okay, maybe I can’t risk it all …I’ll go calvies with you.

From: John
Time: Tue 8/17 10:01 AM
I wud if I cud.

From: Mary
Time: Tue 8/17 10:12 AM
Enough …I veally need to get back to work now!

From: Lori
Time: Tue 8/17 10:19 AM
Sorry guys, but I’m so busy at work that I had to farm this one out (to Tim, my co-worker in A/P): “I’m not a part of this family, but I can look pasture bad puns and enjoy the conversation.”

From: Lori
Time: Tue 8/17 10:39 AM
I’m waiting …you guys just sitting on your dairy-eres or what?

From: John
Time: Tue 8/17 10:42 AM
Sorry …I got roped into a conference call with the Jersey folks. That’s just the whey it goes sometimes.

From: Lisa
Time: Tue 8/17 11:51 AM
Kudos to Robert and Tim???; Mary – brisket??
We may have milked this for all it’s worth.

From: Lori
Time: Tue 8/17 11:58 AM
Put it out to pasture (sorry for another duplication!)

From: Lisa
Time: Tue 8/17 12:11 PM
I didn’t mind Tim horning in on the family communications.

From: Mary
Time: Tue 8/17 12:42 PM
Blame John for the brisket

From: Lisa
Time: Tue 8/17 2:26 PM
Hey, everybody must have gone to lunch.
If we keep this going, we could become legend-dairy.

From: Mary
Time: Tue 8/17 2:35 PM
I did go to lunch today …to the Cheesecake Factory (no kidding)

From: Lisa
Time: Tue 8/17 2:51 PM
You know what’s really good with cheesecake? De-calf-inated coffee!!

From: Don
Time: Tue 8/17 6:16 PM
Serial puns require a certain bullish tenacity.

Yes, these are some of my closest blood relatives. Wow :)